


leave it all behind

by limitlist



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Heavy Angst, Heed the tags please, Kinda?, Liberal use of Italics, Manipulation, Non-Linear Narrative, Not Canon Compliant, Panic Attack, Permanent Character Death, Temporary Character Death, Trauma, Unresolved Angst, gotta have one non-painful tag right?, its vague but it’s there, its written more like flashbacks of some sort, semi-graphic depictions of violence, seriously heed the tags, there isn’t a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:47:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28926057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/limitlist/pseuds/limitlist
Summary: a piece of tommy died that dayorthey say your life flashes before your eyes when death approaches.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Dream SMP Ensemble & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 6
Kudos: 137





	leave it all behind

**Author's Note:**

> !!! MAJOR spoiler warnings for the finale of the disc wars on the dream smp !!! this isn’t canon compliant but there are canon elements scattered through. 
> 
> this is my first time writing serious angst, but i couldn’t stop thinking about what would’ve happened if punz had showed up just a couple moments later to the confrontation. 
> 
> final warning for major character death, manipulation, semi-graphic depictions of violence, and a panic attack. take care of yourselves, do not read this if you think it will impact you negatively.

tommy blinks back the tears. “tubbo— tubbo. what am i without you?”

_ he’s back in l’manburg, sneaking around and running at the sound of a familiar laugh. he’s back in exile, flipping through his cherished pictures of his best friend. he’s back on top of a wall, gaping at tubbo as dream drags him away. he’s back on the bench, staring at the sunset while swaying with tubbo to a disc. he’s back in manburg, screaming as his best friend dies at the hands of big brother technoblade. he’s back in pogtopia, squinting at tubbo when he comes with news. he’s back at his house, mining for resources while tubbo chatters mindlessly behind him. he’s in a field, long before the discs existed and long before they joined the dream smp, chasing bees with a boy who would come to be his best friend.  _

tubbo cracks a smile past his tears. “yourself.”

a distressed noise comes from tommy unwillingly. it’s already been proven that being himself isn’t enough. tubbo, tubbo can do just fine without tommy, he’s the president, he’s strong and compassionate and people like him. 

tommy is loud and annoying and quick witted and overpowering. tubbo evens him out. tubbo brings him down to earth when he leaps to far into the air. 

tubbo squeezes his shoulder one last time before taking a steadying breath and turning to face dream. 

tommy stops him before he steps away. “so, are you really— are you accepting this? are you okay?”

~

tubbo looks into tommy’s eyes. “yeah, it’s... it’s alright. hey...”

_ tubbo is building nuclear bombs and chasing tommy and building a new l’manburg and laughing at ranboo and pacing the old l’manburg walls and standing at a podium that he built and dying and dying and dying and— _

_ tubbo is sitting on the docks, watching the stars. he’s on a bench that used to hold two halves of one soul, listening to a disc that isn’t his. he’s plotting the execution of his best friend’s brother. he’s following quackity’s orders, and dream’s orders, and schlatt’s orders, and wilbur’s orders, and— _

“are you gonna be okay?”

and tubbo’s looking into the eyes of the person who knows when to push and when to back off, the person who lets him be both loud and quiet and who encourages him with sharp words and soft laughter. _he’s running as fast as the wind through a field of flowers with a boy who would come to be his best friend._

“we said our goodbyes already, at the start.”

and they’re talking over each other, their last moments to force out the words that need to be said, their voices overlapping and pushing to be heard.

and tubbo raises his chin and sets his shoulders. “he describes me as a pawn?”

_ and he’s playing chess with the man who forced him to exile his best friend, thinking that he might not be that bad after all,  _ and he’s staring down the man who forced  him to exile his best friend, the man who will soon take his last life.

“this is checkmate.”

_ flashes of laughter in revolutionary uniforms— _

“this is it.”

_ —and they’re towering and falling and the discs are safe— _

“this is the end.”

—and tubbo’s staring at the boy he would follow anywhere, do anything for, his brother in everything but blood. 

“i suggest you resign.”

tommy’s saying words but tubbo doesn’t hear them, forces himself not to listen, because if he hears tommy’s goodbye then he won’t want to leave.

“—please no. no. it’s fine.”

~

“no, no—“

tommy’s watching as his brother in everything but blood walks toward the man who has brought his entire life to ruins.

“it’s about time anyway.” and tubbo takes one last look at tommy before facing dream. “it’s about time.”

tommy tries to force himself to move, to run, to push tubbo away, to put himself between dream and tubbo, but he can’t move. he’s frozen in fear.

tommy watches through blurry eyes and dream runs a sword through his best friend. tommy hears a scream, and realizes he’s the one behind it. tommy’s running before dream pulls his sword back, before tubbo’s knees hit the ground. 

“tubbo? tubbo please—“

~

tubbo’s kneeling on the black stone floor, one hand pressed against his wound, the other flying to tommy’s shoulder as tommy stabilizes him.

“it’s alright,” tubbo’s voice is shaky and weak and giving out as he feels the full brunt of a final death.

tommy’s pressing his hand against tubbo’s wounded torso, catching his friend when he topples forward, holding him up in an awkward half hug.

“tubbo? tubbo please i— tubbo you son of a bitch you can’t— i can’t— tubbo—“

in the back of his mind, tommy hears the distinct sound of nether travel, a dramatic entrance cut short by gasps, but all he can process is tubbo tubbo tubbo—

~

later, tommy will be haunted by dream’s laugh. later, ranboo will let him read the memory book passage on what happened. later, captain puffy will explain in a shaky voice—

punz had decided that dream’s payment wasn’t enough. he gathered as many people as he could and brought them to the portal into dream’s bunker.

they were moments too late.

~ 

ranboo’s book tells him that they saw a bloodstained tommy clutching a bloody tubbo on the floor. tells him that tommy was staring blankly into space. tells him that dream was laughing wildly as tommy sat covered in his best friend’s blood. tells him that quackity lunged at dream, getting a couple hits in before being killed and sent to respawn. tells him that multiple people lost lives to dream in his rage before sapnap leveled his sword at tommy’s head. 

~ 

puffy tells him what sapnap said—

_ “dream. i will kill tommy. stop this.” _

dream’s response—

_ “what makes you think i care?” _

sapnap’s—

_ “because you like to toy with your friends until they bore you, and you aren’t bored with tommy yet. i will kill tommy right now unless you surrender.” _

captain puffy tells him how dream smiled at sapnap as he dropped the sword that had killed tubbo. how sapnap quietly cried as sam  locked dream up. how dream went peacefully.

~ 

it takes eret to tell him how dream stared at tommy until he was taken out of viewing distance. eret paints the whole painful picture, how tommy had gone vicious when they tried to move him, how he had held on to tubbo’s body until jack manifold knocked him out, how the other members of the smp had carried the bloodied boys through the nether, how ranboo told them all what he had pieced together of tommy’s time in exile, how techno had sent a letter later on detailing the signs of trauma tommy had shown, how tommy had woken up screaming every day for a week before he was truly aware again. 

~

it takes a month of faking recovery before sam lets him in to see dream. the prison is large and intimidating, and tommy is quiet as sam leads him from respawn point to respawn point.

tommy locks eyes with dream from across a pit of lava. he doesn’t break eye contact until the lava has lowered again and the netherite blocks retract.

tommy is silent as dream shows him his books, seven of them complete with three in the works. one is full of apologies to various people on the server. there are collections of happy moments written on the pages of several others. tommy is silent as dream turns his clock, silent when dream shows him his sink, silent when dream drops the innocent and excited smile and looks at tommy with concern.

“you don’t get to do this.” tommy whispers brokenly.

a familiar smile finally grows on dream’s face.

“oh _tommy...”_

tommy cringes, _memories of tower battles and holes and running and—_

“everyone told me you were better now tommy.”

_ his eyes are closed and his breathing is light and his back is against the wall and— _

“did you lie so you could see me tommy?”

_ he can’t breathe what is dream doing to him he can’t breathe— _

“did you miss the games too tommy?”

_he just needs to call for the guard, for sam, yell for sam—_

“get in the hole tommy.”

tommy’s eyes fly open. 

they’d taken everything dream had when they put him in the prison. he was maskless here, and the look in his eyes was exactly what tommy had always thought it would be on those long days in exile.

dream is smiling widely at tommy from next to the small water hole in the ground. his eyes are manically wide, entirely focused on tommy. his hands clench into fists by his side.

the fear tommy had felt drains away.

“fuck you dream.”

tommy takes two steps backward into the lava, respawning in the holding room just after seeing the look on dream’s face go from manically happy to pissed as all hell.

_ “TOMMY!” _

tommy screws his eyes shut, trying to breathe as sam rushes him through the exit steps.

_ “TOMMY COME BACK HERE!” _

tommy passes through lava with his eyes wide open, trying to resist the urge to do as dream says.

_ “YOU CANT ESCAPE ME TOMMY!” _

**Author's Note:**

> ouch. sorry bout all that.
> 
> this was written last night in a sleep deprived haze, please excuse any major mistakes lmao. again, i’ve never done just pure angst with zero comfort, don’t hate me please. 
> 
> find me on twitter @/limitlist_ or on tumblr @/limit-list !!


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